GEORGE ROMERO: GIVE IT UP!

Diary of the Dead is totally unimpressive, which is such a shitty disappointing thing. i mean, we're talking about George Fucking Romero, he's the originator and the king of that fucking genre and for him to do two flops in a row is a total bummer.
so one flop (i'm talking of course about Land of the Dead) is forgivable. even two goddamn flops is forgivable as long as it gets spread out a bit. i mean how could you fuck up something like Land of the Dead where you've got a brutal post-apocalyptic premise about a bunch of survivors ending up as serfs to Dennis "i'llfuckanythingthatmoves" Hopper who lives on high in his capitalist castle. i mean, that sounds awesome but when you start having zombies act like humans and do regular every day shit you're gonna fuck it up. i mean that takes all the fun and appeal out of a zombie movie. he managed to at least make that one funny. but unintentionally of course. Diary of the Dead was nowhere near as lucky.
again as far as premises go, George doesn't do bad with Diary. a bunch of film students making a horror movie end up in the middle of the zombie apocalypse and need to caravan their way to safety is a solid base to start from. however you fuck it up when you get a fucking horrible washed up wannabe cast and an army of epileptic dwarves to pretend they know how to use a fucking camera.
lets be real. the whole pseudo-documentary thing is an extremely fucking slippery slope and is very rarely done anywhere close to well.
as for the movie itself, the whole million year long bullshit intro at the beginning of diary is totally fucking unnecessary. like for real. that goddamn girl whining about how important her film is is just too fucking much and sets the tempo for the rest of the movie. that is to say it is slow moving, boring and self important.
it does have it's moments though, like the supertough survivors who are shacked up in a warehouse and have all the shit they could need to last out the duration. or the roving national guardsman who are pillaging their way through rural Pennsylvania and the deaf/mute dynamite and scythe toting amish hardcore motherfucker who saves the lives of the yuppie film students. that's all most fucking definitely where it's at.
i mean, i guess yall should see it since it's made by the king of zombie movies and is therefore (i guess) important, but it's like having a muffin when you want a cupcake.

FUCKING DOOMSDAY RIPPED MY FACE OF AND THEN PUNCHED ME IN THE RAW TISSUE AND MUSCLE THAT WAS LEFT BEHIND AND I LOVED IT

So, i saw Doomsday the other week with my roommate. Yeah that's right, it's a movie about Scotland being a wasteland populated by Road Warrior wannabees who dance around to 80's goth pop and fucking eat cops. Yeah there's pretty much no coherent plot at all. Just straight up badass butchery the whole way through.
So it starts out and in the first sequence there's some naked lady bathing with her shotgun who gets her fucking guts blown out. Directly afterwards some nameless cop gets blow away and we see some nameless baddie's face get completely torn in 2 at point blank range.
A solid beginning i would say.
After setting this pace it never seems to let up with the awesome gore and ridiculous plot swerves taking us from future cop slaughter to abandoned Glasgow crust/rave punk slaughter to renaissance fair wannabe slaughter and topping it all off with an epic car chase slaughter.
Oh, and this is all done by a super badass warrior woman who never gets entangled in bullshit romance or remorse or even emotion for that matter.
So basically if you're a wimp and want a movie that has a coherent story go break out your copy of 28 Days Later. When the world ends i want it to be as intense, violent and illogical as this.